WARNING! WARNING! HORNIBROOK HAS ENTERED THE COMPETITION! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS! IT’S ABOUT TO GET HORNI!
That’s right folks! The man, the myth, the legend, Alex Hornibrook himself has returned to the great game of college football in an attempt to claim what is rightfully his: The Horniman Award. After four long weeks, Alex has decided that he’s had enough. He wants to compete for the most coveted award in college football. He began his campaign with an impressive win over conference opponent Louisville. I look forward to seeing how he compares to his past and if he can achieve his former glory of college football’s most mediocre quarterback.
The Horniman Award:
Remember how I said that last week was possibly the Horniest week of all? Well I was wrong. Because this week was an absolute Hornifest. We had 29 players finish with a Horni Rating of 90% or higher. That’s one stiff wind away from being a choking hazard. The bland quarterback play this week would put a bowl of uncooked rice to shame.
That being said, it’s time to get down to business and announce this week’s winner of the Horniman Award. This week’s winner is someone who had high hopes of bringing home some hardware this season. Many thought his experience and “high octane offense” made him a shoe-in. I’m talking about preseason Heisman candidate (50/1 odds) Texas A&M quarterback Kellen Mond!
In his 2019 SEC home opener against Auburn, Mond was 31/45 for 330 yards and 2 touchdowns. You may be saying to yourself, “Hey Box, those are some pretty good stats! No way this guy is super Horni!” And that’s where you’re wrong, my friend. At a glance, Mond appears to have played a great game against rival farm-school Auburn. His net yardage is great, and the final score suggest things came down to the wire. The reality is that most Aggies would rather have one of their prize cows under center.
The Not-So-Fast Comeback
Mond led what some consider to be one of the worst comebacks ever, showing no urgency throughout the 4th quarter. He took 30 seconds or more off the play clock each down, as he walked up to the center and pointed out his favorite additions to Kyle Field, or how he thought number 5 on Auburn’s defense was kinda cute. My dead grandmother could’ve set plays up faster than Mond.
This lack of energy and urgency even managed to elicit a healthy dose of boos from the three Aggie fans that stayed beyond the third quarter. Don’t let the final score deceive you, this game was not close. Mond may not be bringing home the Heisman this year, but he can take some solace in knowing he won college football’s most coveted award.
This week had a plethora of guys lining up to take their shot at the Horniman Award. I’ve compiled a list of some high profile players:
|Patrick O’Brian||Colorado State||98%|
After getting shut out for a majority of the game, Shea Patterson is proving time and again how Horni he can be. He’s really laying it all out there for the world to see.
Contact Your Doctor
After looking over my spreadsheets, I noticed a pattern. Bryce Perkins of UVA has been a regular Horniable Mention. He has maintained his Horniness better than any other FBS QB:
|BRYCE PERKINS WEEKLY PERFORMANCE|
|WEEK 2||99.2 %|
As you can see, Bryce has been working his tail off, trying to earn his own Horniman Award. He hasn’t brought home the trophy yet, but he’s a strong contender for the season-long Horniman Award.
This week’s Limp Losers sees some familiar faces. These guys show time and again that they do not have what it takes to be considered College Football’s Horniest quarterbacks.
|Brock Purdy||Iowa State||-5%|
It’s good to see an Aggie quarterback winning hardware again. After half a decade of playing the quarterback carousel, it’s nice to see someone rise to the occasion. I want to wish the Aggies best of luck as they try to capitalize on their accomplishments. Maybe this year they can aspire to be the best 5-loss team in the nation!
Be sure to tune into Between the Numbers on Sunday nights where we recap each week’s games and exciting news!
This author is a member of Between the Numbers LLC and is the independent author of this article/journal/editorial and the contents therein may not be used or disseminated without the express written consent of Between the Numbers LLC. The views and opinions expressed in the foregoing are the property of Between the Numbers LLC and may have been formulated using copyrighted material utilized under fair use. The content of the foregoing may be offered for educational, entertainment, or satirical purposes and should not be utilized in real-world analytic products. Between the Numbers LLC and its managers and members are in no way professionally or contractually affiliated with the host of this content. ©2019 Between the Numbers LLC. All Rights Reserved.