The Horniman: Rewarding Mediocrity In Week 5

Welcome back! It’s once again that time of the week when I go out and try to determine how Horni a bunch of college kids are! That’s right! I’m doing all the dirty work for you and letting you know which quarterbacks had the most mediocre week!

The Horniman Award: 

Last week we announced that Kellen Mond of Texas A&M was the Horniman winner of Week 4. He didn’t fare much better against the powerhouse that is Arkansas on Saturday afternoon. This week had a handful of high caliber games which led to some teams being exposed for the Hornimen that they are. It was a close race this week with 3 quarterbacks finishing above 99% Horni. This weeks winner of the cherished Horniman Award is none other than Brock Purdy of Iowa State!

(photo: Matthew Putney/AP)

This week, Brock led the Cyclones to a last-minute defeat at the paws of the Baylor Bears! He went 27 of 45 for 342 yards, 2 touchdowns and 1 interception in this Big 12 match-up. Purdy attempted to lead a late game comeback, but like so many others before him, came up just short. Brock is definitely a quarterback that you will want to keep an eye on as the season progresses.

Horniable Mentions: 

This week, we had a super close race at the top to determine the winner of the Horniman Award. This means we have quite a few high profile players that couldn’t quite finish the job to get over that hump and win the Horniman Award.

Mason Fine UNT 98%
Trevor Lawrence Clemson 97%
Nick Patti Pittsburg 97%
Bryce Perkins Virginia 94%
Ian Book Notre Dame 93%
Jacob Eason Washington 90%


We have some familiar faces this week, as well as some newcomers! A name most CFB fans have heard incessantly since halfway through last year is Trevor Lawrence. The Clemson Tigers had quite a scare this past weekend in a very narrow victory over the fighting Mack Browns of UNC. Lawrence went 18 of 30 for 206 yards and only 1 touchdown against the Tar Heels in a one point victory. Though he couldn’t quite meet our expectations this week, I am slowly gaining confidence in Trevor. In this apparent sophomore slump, he may yet bring a Horniman home.

No, Seriously…. Contact Your Doctor

Can someone contact the NCAA, and let them know that Bryce Perkins needs to be tested for Performance Averaging Drugs? This guy is rewriting the script of what it means to be a Horni quarterback. Bryce clearly hasn’t heard the commercials about being Horni for more than 4 hours. He has been rock solid for the past 5 weeks! Week in and week out he is giving 2018 Alex Hornibrook a run for his money. So much so that Alex himself decided to step it up and start playing again at Florida State. Alex is averaging a Horniness of only 77% in his two games with FSU. If he wants to maintain his title of Horniest Man Alive he will need to step up his game.

The man himself, Alex Hornibrook takes on Louisville (photo: Melina Myers/USA TODAY Sports)

Limp Losers: 

This week had a fair number of newcomers to the Limp Losers category. It must have been a hard week for these quarterbacks to wake up and motivate themselves to play a solid game of football. This week actually saw a new record set for lowest Horni-Rating of all time!

Tanner Morgan Minnesota -31%
Dillon Gabriel UCF -10%
Jalen Hurts Oklahoma 12%
Bo Nix Auburn 18%
Adrian Martinez Nebraska 26%

B1G Struggles

As you can see, Tanner Morgan had quite possibly the least Horni performance of his life. Going 21 of 22 for 396 yards and 4 touchdowns is not quite what we are looking for with this award. It is sad to see players go out there and make a mockery of this prestigious award. Alternatively, you have players like Adrian Martinez who went out and completely forgot which team they were playing for. Nebraska’s QB completed 3 passes to Ohio State defenders and only 2 to his own receivers in the first half. Rumor has it, Martinez actually went into the Ohio state locker room at halftime.

That’s All Folks

Unfortunately our time together on this marvelous journey must come to an end for the week. I look forward to exposing the Horniness of more quarterbacks in next week’s edition of the Horniman Award! Make sure to check out Between The Numbers to hear more hot takes and crazy stats regarding college football!

Thanks for reading, and stay Horni!

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